I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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