you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
