hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
