I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
