Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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