New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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