What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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