yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
