I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
