Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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