So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
