I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
