If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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