Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
