There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
