can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
PANTIES FOUND
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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