awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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