Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
