Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize