Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
