What did we do last night that was yellow?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
