K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
