I just cut my nipple shaving
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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