so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
