My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
