I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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