I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
