Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
