Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
