i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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