Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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