im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im part way to drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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