Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
