I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
