Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
