it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
