Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
