You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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