So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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