Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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