I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
