I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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