White coat. Heels.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
