i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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