if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
