i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
