You smell like stripper and shame
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
