So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
