I skipped work to stalk him.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
