guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
